Live For Today
by TJ OR TY
Summary: What if Alice made a mistake and told Dana something she should never have said out loud


Authors Note: All characters owned by Showtime. I just borrowed them for a bit of playtime

LIVE FOR TODAY 

Its been a year since the night of provocations. A full year since our lives all changed. Some for the better some for a lot worse.

Now where do I start. I suppose the obvious place would be me and Dana, but I think I'll make you wait a bit for that.

How about Jenny, the newest member of our little friendship group. She certainly went through a lot of changes after she met us all. She started out as an innocent looking girl, but ended up falling in love with a woman and leaving her fiancée/husband behind.

Tim moved away about two weeks after that night, apparently he got some coaching job somewhere in the mid-west. I didn't really know him so when he left it didn't affect me at all. Jenny on the other hand was affected by it all.

When Tim told her he was leaving she was upset, partly because he was leaving and partly because she didn't know where she was going to live or going to do. Her friend Robin offered her a roof but Jenny didn't feel comfortable living with someone she hardly knew. Which is when Shane stepped in. I'll come back to what's been happening with Shane later. Her and Jenny ended up sharing Tim's house and going half on the rent. It was tight for them both but they managed to survive.

Her relationship with Robin seemed to be going pretty well at first but then the news came in about Marina. When Jenny didn't return any of her calls she fell into a deep depression. Unfortunately we were all too into what was going on in our own lives to notice Marina slipping away.

It was Kit who found her that morning. She had gone over to the planet, which she now co-owned, to go over some paperwork and to help open up the place. She unlocked the door and called out for Marina. She had seen her car parked out front so she knew she must have been there somewhere. She walked through the place calling out to her but got no reply. She heard music coming from the office so went to check it out. The shock of finding Marina's body slumped over the desk broke Kit's heart. Next to her was an empty pill bottle and wine. There was also a letter laid out below her hand. Kit checked for her pulse knowing she would find none. She gently laid her hand on her friends shoulder whispering that she hoped she had found her peace now, before opening her cell and calling for an ambulance. Bette rushed over to The Planet to comfort her sister and spent the next week not letting her out of her sight.

We buried Marina at the end of the week before holding a small memorial gathering at the Planet for a few close friends.

It was the first time we had all been together since the night that changed it all. Bette and Tina stayed as far away from each other as possible whilst still trying to be with us all. As everyone started to leave, leaving just the seven of us. We all sat round our usual morning table sipping our drinks. Kit cleared her throat and told us that she was glad that we were all together. She said that Marina had left a note for us all with instructions that we all had to be together to hear it.

To whom it may concern 

_That doesn't sound right at all. To my friends. The people who filled my life with some joy everyday of the year. I'm sorry. I loved you all in different ways but I couldn't survive any longer without my true love. My heart is broken into a million pieces and no amount of time will put it back together. I know I took the easy way out but I could find no other peace._

_Bette, you were pretty much the leader of our group of friends, the professional and most mature. I know what happened between you and the carpenter, I don't understand why you did it but I have learnt that you can't turn back time to undo your mistakes. All I can say is that you should never give up trying, The other part of your heart is hopefully sat in this room with you all, and you should never give up fighting for her. Spend every day telling her how much you love her and how much your life is empty without her. It will take time but maybe there is still love between you and trust me you should never waste any chance of happiness._

_Tina. I know she has hurt you more than anyone will ever know. She was your life and she threw it all away for a quick fling. I don't condone what she has done but I do know how much you must be hurting without her with you. I know the pain is so deep that it kills you inside every time you think about it but just think how empty your life will be without her in it. Listen to what each other has to say and don't run away because it is hard. Fight to get your love back because your life will be so much worse without her in it. You will both receive something in the post in a few days. Don't think just do, think of it as a last gift from an old friend._

_Shane. You act so laid back and cool all the time but I know you are hurting inside. You run from everyone because you are so scared of getting hurt. I know how scary real love is but I also know how happy it can make you. It hurts to live without love, it can hurt to live with it but trust me there are times the pain is worth it. Stop running from it all baby girl. Love is out there for you, it could be sat in this room with you now, you just have to look for it and not be afraid anymore._

_Dana. I watched you change this last year. I watched you go from the shy closeted bumbly sweet young lady, into a sure, completely out and comfortable woman. I am so glad that you have found happiness, I wasn't at all surprised you ended up together the love between you has been obvious for so long now. I'm just glad you both managed to realise it in time. Stay happy and don't let anyone put you down in life. You are an amazing tennis player and an amazing woman._

_Alice. You always made me laugh with your quirky ways. I am so happy you decided to let the mask slip for a while so that you could really show how you feel for your love. I am so proud of you for finally realising that the most perfect person in the world for you was right under your nose the whole time. Just remember she might say things wrong at times but she does love you, that is obvious to anyone who looks in her eyes._

_Kit. You were a great friend to me this past month. Helping me to keep my Planet open. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to survive so we could really make it a success. I just want you to know that I have left my half of the planet to you and I want you to make it as big as you can, because you deserve all the success of the world._

_And finally, My Jenny. Sweet shy Jenny. The first person I truly loved with all my heart and I messed it up. You opened my eyes to so many things. Your sweetness and innocence pulled my heart in. I am only sorry that I hurt you so badly in the end. I love you Jenny and I want you to know my last thoughts are of you. Please go out and find the happiness you deserve, whether it is with Tim, Robin or someone else. I just wish for you to be happy._

_Finally my friends I say goodbye. For the final time I will tell you all goodbye. Make sure you find the happiness you all deserve and hold onto it like your life depended because in a way it does._

_All my love_

Marina 

We all sat in silence after listening to the final words of our departed friend.

Robin had tried to comfort Jenny but she just pulled away from her and told her she was sorry but she couldn't do it anymore.

Surprisingly she found comfort in Shane's arms that night, and every night since then. It seems that Shane really paid attention to what Marina said and finally stopped running from love and realised it was in front of her all along. Her and Jenny make a really cute couple, Shane still has her cocky outlook around people but those of us who really know her know how deeply she cares for Jenny and see the love in their eyes.

Whilst we are on about Shane, she never managed to get her job back at Lather after the whole Jaffe affair, but thanks to some money Marina left for her and the spare room upstairs in the planet that Kit leased out for her really cheap, as in free haircuts for Kit cheap, she managed to open her own little salon upstairs in the Planet. It took a while to get off the ground but pretty soon word of mouth had it booming, now you are looking at least a month to get an appointment with Shane. She really turned her life around after we lost Marina. As well as making her salon and relationship a success, with the help of us all and a bit of counselling she also managed to get off the drugs once and for all and she hasn't touched them in ten months now.

Now as for Bette and Tina it was really difficult for them at first. After Bette slept with the carpenter Tina shut herself away from the world. She refused to speak to Bette and just spent all her time crying. I didn't know if they would ever find there love again or if it was too late. I hoped they would because they were the perfect couple and we all thought there love would last an eternity.

It wasn't until we all read Marina's letter that they started to connect again. It was really slow going for them both and there were some bumps in the road. They started again from the very beginning and finally managed to find the love that had always been there. Marina had sorted out a small vacation for the two of them before she killed herself so that they could have some privacy to get to know each other again. I'm sure it was partly that vacation that helped our favourite couple find the love again.

They have moved back in together and Tina is five months pregnant with their child. They found out that they were having a little girl so have decided to name her Marina, after our friend. Since it was partly her who helped them to realise the love they still held for the other.

Kit has been working hard with the Planet. She has made it a huge success over the past year and profits are rolling in. She still holds Milk and Radar there every week but she also holds other functions on different nights of the week. She even had a little sign made for our table making sure it was always reserved for us.

Losing Marina was one of the most difficult points in all our lives but she also helped us all to realise how much we had to lose and would lose if we didn't do something about it.

Now onto Dana and me. After that night at Provocations when I kissed her and she kissed me back, we decided to try and just stay friends. We even made up rules of un-attraction. Places where we couldn't be alone together. It ended up that we just couldn't be alone together anywhere because the attraction was too much. I knew I loved her but I was so scared of her not feeling the same. I can remember the night it all changed for ever. I had flown to New York to cover a story for my magazine, god only knows what it was about. I had more important things on my mind, like the upcoming nuptials of Dana and 'The Cat Killer' Tonya. I was heartbroken that in a little over a week I would lose her for good because I was too dumb to realise early enough how much I loved my best friend. I was laid awake in my hotel room just watching the clock turn over. 3:59, 4:00. when there was a knock at my door. I slowly walked over to it and peeked through the looking hole. My heart jumped into my throat as I took in the sight before me. I quickly pulled the door open to reveal the most beautiful woman I had ever known. Dana was stood there with a single purple flower in her hand. She looked up at me shyly and asked if she could come in. I stepped back and let her past me before slowly shutting the door behind her. When I turned round she was stood about a foot away from me. She smiled shyly at me and handed me the flower. I started to ask what she was doing here but she asked me to be quiet whilst she said something. She told me that she hadn't been able to stop thinking about me and she knew that we had set up all these places where we couldn't be alone together but it was killing her. She had got back from practice that morning and found Tonya sat in her living room rearranging the photos of all her friends. She had moved all the one's with me in them into a corner out of the way so that there were just pictures of her and Dana on show. It had made something snap inside of her and she realised that the only pictures she wanted on show were the one's with the only person who could ever truly have her heart in them. She had sat Tonya down and explained that she couldn't marry her because she was in love with someone else. She told her she was sorry but it couldn't go on anymore. Tonya was really upset and just kept trying to convince her that what they had was real love and everything else was just an infatuation. But Dana had stood fast and told her no. It was over and she wanted her to leave. Tonya quickly packed all her stuff up before trying to convince her again that she was making a mistake.

As soon as Tonya had left she had started top rush round to my place before she realised that I was in New York. I couldn't help but laugh as she told me about the major u-turn she had pulled outside of the planet before speeding off to the airport. She had jumped onto the first available flight to New York, phoning Bette and Tina on her way to find out where I was staying and come straight over to me. She looked into my eyes and started to walk toward me as she told me that she loved me and she had for as long as she could remember. She didn't want to waste any longer without me in her life and she just hoped I felt the same. I placed my fingers against her lips to stop her rambling which I knew was about to start. I pulled her into my arms and told her that I had loved her since the moment I saw her and it had broke my heart when I thought I had lost her to Tonya. I loved her more than I ever thought was possible to love another person. She smiled at me before pulling me closer and kissing me deeply and passionately. It felt like in that instance I became alive for the first time in years. Here in the arms of my best friend I finally knew what it was like to live.

We did spend the night together but I don't tell what goes on with the person I love more than life. That is left just to us and your imagination.

When we got back home Dana asked me to move in with her. Her house was too empty with just her init and she wanted to be able to get home from practice to find me waiting for her, she wanted to fall asleep curled up in bed together and wake up the same way. I thought about it for all of a second before telling her I would love to.

When we told our friends they were all so happy for us. Apparently they had seen the love between us long before we realised it was there.

So here we are a year later, there has been some bumps along the way for us all. Bette and Kit's dad passed away three months ago in his sleep, but thankfully he had managed to make it up to both his daughters before that time.

The worst thing that happened was all my fault and it only happened a week ago. It was all my stupid fault. I always manage to screw things up one way or another. Dana was getting ready to leave for Wimbledon in England. She had wanted me to go as well but I couldn't get time off. I apologised to her and she understood how my boss could be at times. She was upset that I wouldn't be there to cheer her on in her biggest games so far in her career. I promised I would be watching on TV and all our friends would be with her. I know I probably could have tried harder to get the time off but I was scared of going out there and being the cause of her to lose the games. I held her tightly that last night in our bed and promised to watch all her games and be thinking of her all the while she was away. I thought she was asleep so I started to tell her how scared I was of her realising when she was out there that I wasn't good enough for her, and how I didn't want to give her bad luck and cause her to lose her games which is why I couldn't go with her. I also told her that although I loved her I thought we might need this time apart to really understand if it was real love. That was the mistake I had made, Dana wasn't asleep and had listened to everything I had said. I felt her stiffen slightly in my arms so I softly said her name. She didn't reply so I let it and fell asleep.

I was supposed to take her to the airport to say goodbye to her and all our friends and wish them a good journey, but when I woke up Dana was already gone and there was nothing but a note left in the kitchen for me.

_Alice._

_I heard everything you said last night, it might help if you make sure people are asleep before saying stuff you don't want them to hear. I thought I knew you and your feelings for me but I guess I was wrong. You wanted some time apart well have all the time you need. I will be staying over in the UK after the tournament for some time alone to relax and think a lot of things through. I hope you are happy with whatever you decide to do._

_Dana_

I can't believe I fucked it all up again. After everything I went through to get her, one little insecurity and that was it I had lost her. Well this time I was gonna make sure to rectify my actions as quick as possible. I quickly called the airline to book a flight to London. They couldn't fit me on one for another three days. I told them it was no problem and gave them my credit card details.

I had three days before I could go and explain to Dana what I had meant and try to fix the mess I had made.

I spent those three days quickly finishing the story I was working on so my boss couldn't say anything about me leaving. I watched Dana on TV all the time and I could see the pain I had caused her. Perhaps pain helped her play better because she was hammering her opponents and was well on her way to the finals.

I was up extremely early to get ready for my flight. I had thrown some stuff in a bag and was on my way to the airport when I remembered something. I quickly headed to a small shop I had been looking in with Dana the week before and parked outside. I ran in and quickly purchased something before hurrying back to my car and heading off to the airport.

The flight seemed to drag for hours. I was so glad I bought my laptop with me because it meant I could write and play solitaire so my mind didn't wander too much. I had called Shane the day before and told her I was flying out but asked her not to tell anyone else. She told me that she would come and collect me from the airport when I landed and I could stay in the hotel with them. She asked me if I was sure I didn't want Dana to know I was flying out, but I told her no because it would just cause problems and I needed to sort something out when I got there.

When I walked into the airport I spotted Shane and Jenny sat on one of the chairs cuddling up together. Shane just grinned at me and told me she couldn't lie to Jenny she knew her too well but they both promised they hadn't told anyone else.

Jenny hugged me quickly and asked me what I wanted to do. Dana had a press conference before the final which was beginning in a few hours so we could either go to that or go to the hotel to get me settled in. I told them that I really needed to get to the press conference because I had to tell Dana something.

When we got to the conference they wouldn't let me in because I didn't have a pass. Luckily I had remembered my press card so I managed to get in with that. Jenny and Shane already had passes because they were Dana's guests. I spotted Tina, Bette and Kit sat near the front and told Jenny and Shane to go and sit with them because I had something to do.

I slowly started to walk down the side of the room near to where Dana was seated. She had just started the question and answer session. I stood back for a moment trying to think of what I was going to say to her when I heard one of the questions. 'So miss Fairbanks, we heard that you were happily loved up back home but you seem to be alone on the tournament?' I felt Dana breathe deeply before answering. She told them that there had been someone very important in her life but she didn't know what was happening with it at the minute and just wanted to concentrate on the tournament. Before anyone else could ask another question I stepped forward and cleared my throat. 'Miss Fairbanks. You say that you don't know where it is going this relationship back home. What if I were to tell you that the young woman concerned was deeply sorry for hurting you and what she said and the past few days without you had been the longest of her life and had made her realise that she couldn't live without you.' Dana looked at me and just shook her head, she stood up and told me that we couldn't do this now, I had wanted space and she was giving it to me. I walked towards the stage never taking my eyes off her and told her that I was wrong I should never have wanted to spend anytime apart from her. When I woke up that morning without her by my side my heart broke into thousands of pieces and it made me realise how Marina must have felt towards the end. I could see the tears in Dana's eyes and heard her ask me to stop, but I knew I couldn't.

Dana Fairbanks the happiest day of my life was the day you walked into it that was the day that I came alive, the day I realised that I was only half a person without you in my life. I made a mistake and I will never stop apologising for what I said to you, but I know and I've always known that I can't live without you in my life and I don't ever want to have to. Dana, my love, my best friend. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you in my arms. I don't care if you are the number one tennis player in the world or just another waitress at The Planet. The fact is I love you Dana no one but you and I was just wondering if you would do me the honour of spending the rest of your life with me as my wife?' by this point I was beside her and I slowly pulled the diamond ring out of the box that I had picked up just before I flew out. I whispered that I was sorry for hurting her and I knew I didn't deserve another chance but it was killing me not being with her and I was praying that she would let me make it up to her. She didn't say anything she just wiped the tears from my eyes before pulling me into a searing kiss. When we finally broke apart breathless she whispered yes. I had to look deep into her eyes and tell her to say it again before my mind would register. 'Yes, Alice I want to spend the rest of my life with you as your wife.' I quickly pulled her back to me for another kiss before gently sliding the ring on her finger. I never heard the press or our friends cheering because I was completely lost in her eyes.

Eventually everyone calmed down and I made my way down to where our friends were sat so she could finish the press conference. As soon as we all got into the back room we were both enveloped in hugs from our friends who congratulated us and said it was about time. I didn't take my eyes of Dana. I mouthed the words I love you before we all had to head off to watch the most beautiful woman in the world play in her first finals at Wimbledon.

We all sat in a private box watching her play. She was amazing, but I knew that already. She hammered her opponent in straight sets to win her first ever Wimbledon championship. Before they could give her the trophy she looked over to me in the crowd and dropped her racket. She jumped over the barriers and ran up to me as I started to make my way down to her. We met in the middle and I enveloped her in a huge hug before kissing her. I told her I was so proud of her and couldn't wait 'til I got her back to the hotel to show her how much I loved her. She kissed me again before going to accept her trophy and congratulations.

So all in all it's been a fun year. We landed back in La five hours ago after Dana's win. I am sat on the balcony of our home whilst the woman I love sleeps ten feet away from me. I can't help looking up at the stars and thanking whatever is out there for bringing me my own star. My love, my best friend. Who knows what the future will bring, all I do know is that I have learnt to live every day as it comes and not think about the rest.

As someone told me just before she fell asleep in my arms. 'Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.'

FIN


End file.
